Dear friends,
As much as we try to be secure and centered in ourselves, let’s face it, we are social animals. Friends, co-workers, life partners, family… those relationships have a great effect on us. Almost all of our most challenging situations involve something with two legs! I thought to share a few thoughts on that score this week.
My teacher defined maturity as “the ability to relate to other people’s realities as well as you relate to your own.” Very interesting. A two-year-old’s reality is just what he is experiencing at that moment and no more. His own wants and needs dominate his consciousness. Did you ever notice that in the old Peanuts cartoons, you never ever actually see an adult? The cartoonist explained that that’s because to a child, adults don't really even exist, let alone have their own needs and desires. In the comic strip they are just shown as voices coming from off stage—when they intrude on the child's reality at all.
The key to a healthy relationship of any kind is to relate to the other person’s reality. It takes a great saint to do this perfectly, but we are all somewhere on the continuum, and the more we can grow into the ability to do that the better. Have you ever noticed that age, unfortunately, does not automatically bestow maturity?
In my public speaking/staff training business, it is often the case that my wife Karen will speak to an HR Director. Rather than asking Karen lots of questions about how we feel we can help their staff, they mostly share their own unrelated troubles and challenges, with Karen patiently listening. At the end they say, “You are wonderful! You folks must be great trainers. I’d love you to come in for our staff.” Hmmm… Clearly, people are starved for being deeply listened to rather than talking at them and sharing what you want to share.
To be able to extend oneself to others by listening, in service, or with deep compassion, requires that we be strongly centered in ourselves. Whence the multiple practices of yoga (meditation, service, devotion, etc.) that in a sense were created to enable—among many other things—true maturity. May we be so secure in ourselves that we can always put others first and provide the service and love that the world so desperately needs.
Blessings,
David G., manager
For the Gang at East West