Conditions Are Neutral
Dear friends,
I want to tackle a challenging topic this week. Yogananda said, "All conditions are neutral. It is our response to conditions that determines whether they are good or bad."
In circumstances that are only slightly disturbing we can see how this works. For example, some folks are extremely sensitive to criticism. If someone so much as raises an eyebrow at them, they feel a sting for days or weeks... or longer. Is it the glance that is "bad" or perhaps the person has something to learn about not being so subject to the thoughts and feelings of others? In fact, why should we be disturbed even when someone is directly harsh with us?
There are two separate things going on: the other person's behavior and our emotional response to that behavior. There is no causal connection between the two. Some people are less upset by criticism than others. Why not become more like the less upset person? This has nothing to do with what to do, or letting people walk all over you. This is about being centered and composed. Then decide what to do. Behaviors that stem from emotional responses are often regretted and hurtful to others and to ourselves. My spiritual teacher once said, “My loving is, in a sense, selfish. After all, I feel much better when I feel love than when I feel anger or judgment.” Interesting but it makes obviously good sense.
I am by no means remotely perfect at anything like this, though through hard work I am much better at it than I used to be. I figure if I meet someone who has an intense immediate dislike for me, well, there are eight billion people on the planet. Just by the odds, a good 50 million of them would have an immediate distaste for me, so what's the big deal about running into one of them? Why should their emotional state and personal preferences affect me?
We are here to be educated. Spirit whispers in our ear. We ignore it. Then Spirit shouts. We ignore that. Then we get hit on the side of the head, and feel the world is so unfair. The stings we feel from the world are for our own education.
Again, understandably, this is much harder to see in major traumatic events, so for myself, in all honesty, I do not let my mind dwell on such things. After all, what’s the point? There are many thousands of barbells in the gym I can lift. Why focus on the three or four in my life that I cannot lift? Focus on the ones you can lift and get to work! Try to get stronger every day, and in a year you will be a different person. Yogananda talked about standing “calm and peaceful amidst the crash of breaking worlds” and I get bent out of shape by someone cutting me off on the highway!
I know a man who I consider to be one of the finest people I have ever met. He received a diagnosis of cancer. When he received the news he teared up. A friend who was there tried to comfort him and he replied, "No. I am tearing up because I am so grateful for what I will learn from this experience and how kind God is to me to offer me whatever lessons this brings."
There are cases of concentration camp prisoners who managed to not only survive, but benefit from the experience, according to their own testimony. I am astonishingly far from that ability, and pray I never need to find out just how far I can actually go, but the fact that it is possible is cited just to show how far some very special people can take this. But again, the benefit for us is to focus on the smaller ways in which we can master the ability to center ourselves. By daily practice we can surely go farther than we can imagine. Our response is our job; controlling our circumstances so that we are never disturbed is not. (And good luck with that, anyway! How’s that working for you…?)
May each of us remember that we grow an inch at a time. May we thus strive to find our center and stay there through life's minor storms, building strength knowing that we are as ready as possible for whatever Spirit sends us.
Blessings,
David G., manager
For the staff at East West