Why do we regret the past?
Dear friends,
Feeling sorry for the past is completely natural and expected… but not helpful. There are many things that are a part of us that, were we able to master them, we’d be a bit better off without. Regret is high on the list.
Why is that? Some of it is ancient programming. We like sweets because thousands of years ago it was hard to get. So when you saw it, you felt like you’d better eat it right away. Now, unfortunately, you can go to the grocery store and get all you want at a modest cost.
Other urges we have are tied to our misperceptions of the world around us. Our very deep desire is to have things around us be exactly as we want them to be. One might say it is the fundamental misperception common to all.
If only I had a better relationship; if only I had more money; if only I were healthier; if only my kids were better behaved… the list is of course endless.
And it is not at all unreasonable to want those things. The error creeps in when we believe we need those things to be happy and satisfied.
We likely know people who have nothing. Their lives are hard, the money is tight, they have a health issue… but they always seem joyful. Then there are others who have everything and always seem unhappy about something.
We regret the past because we believe, “If only I hadn’t done such-and-such, things would be so much better.” That may be true (that the state of affairs would be better) but the clear implication is, “…and then I’d be happier.”
And therein lies the rub. It is hard to see the truth of this when picturing some awful event. The mind immediately goes to extremes. But there are thousands and thousands of little things that happen every day. They are minor and pass quickly, but our mind holds on to them for far longer.
There’s a story that makes this clear: Two monks were in the woods. They came upon a young woman who needed to cross a stream. She did not want her dress to get wet, so one of the monks carried her across. When he crossed back to his walking companion, the two of them went on their way.
Finally the other monk exploded, “How could you! We have vowed never to touch a woman!” The other monk replied, “Yes, my friend, but I put her down over an hour ago, and you are still carrying her.”
Yogananda’s guru said, “All things will improve if we make right effort now.” …and… ”everyone’s past is filled with many shames.” May we have the courage and wisdom to accept reality for what it is, and allow the past to be in the past.
Blessings,
David G, manager
For the gang at East West