Reframing—Part II
Dear friends,
Things are what they are. Kind of hard to argue with that, I suppose. Oftentimes the only control we have is over our own reactive process. The control I mean is not the "grin and bear it" kind, which just results in repression and stress. It's about seeing the situation from a different angle.
I have a friend who has a great attitude as he goes through this world. He said to me once, "I figure, over the course of my life, that I will lose $50,000 or so due to unfair charges, losses, people taking advantage of me, or whatever. So when something that might otherwise be annoying comes up I figure it's just be part of the $50,000. No biggie—it’s already accounted for."
What a great attitude! It does not prevent the occurrence of the unfortunate event, but it exercises the one thing we have control over: how we view the world around us and how we react to it.
I mentioned in a recent letter that I myself had a marvelous insight recently. I—like many, I assume—can get quite frustrated with tech problems. That mental state is only compounded by calling customer service. [I always smile when I hear the message, "Your call is very important to us, but due to unexpectedly high call volume your wait time is expected to be two and a half years." It has been years of "unexpectedly" high call volume, and the call is "very important" but not important enough to hire enough staff to actually answer it. :-) ]
In my youth I was quite the game player (bridge, chess, backgammon, poker, Scrabble, etc.). My new trick is to view both the tech problem and the customer service call as a game or contest. When thwarted I say to myself, "Nice move. Let's see what my best counter-move or strategy is given your effort to defeat me." This completely removes the irritation and almost (almost!) makes it fun.
Play with the various frustrations in your life and try to see them in a different light. May we always work hard to change what is right and appropriate to change, but may we always do so with a calm heart born of a firm peaceful center within ourselves.
Blessings,
David G., manager
For the staff at East West