Dear friends,
I work with a lot of people and have done so for many years. It might be as a public speaker, a counselor, an employer, or a friend. I have learned something that I felt to share here, in the hope that it can be of use to others. It is also a major principle I try always to remember: People are more important than things.
Almost every human endeavor involves others. And—hard as it is to believe—sometimes people see things differently than we do. Our temptation is to “get it right” and make something happen, sometimes over the objections of someone else. This can be in various very subtle forms, such as the slight competitiveness in a personal relationship, be it at work or with family. I have always felt that, if you really take people into account in every situation, things flow more smoothly, there is more cooperation, and the likelihood of success of whatever you are doing is greatly enhanced. We too easily focus on the small item in front of us rather than building a relationship.
One way I have learned to do this is by asking questions rather than making statements. For example, one might say, “I think this is the way to do it” or instead, “It seems to me that this way might be better. What do you think?” The first sets up an angular confrontation, while the latter draws the other person in. A question encourages the other person to look at it from your point of view, which is the beginning of understanding and compassion. Starting with, "This seems better to me. What am I missing?” cannot possibly feel like a power struggle or competition if asked sincerely. (Note that “Why are you always wrong?” is a question, but—ahem—might not go over as well.)
Maturity can be defined as “the ability to see things from someone else’s perspective.” Working to create a common understanding and striving for that understanding is much better than winning a point. I have the scars to show what happens during such power struggles. In my early years of management I was somewhat poor at this. I won lots of points, but lost the hearts of a number of people, to my regret. Being “right” was just not worth it and was actually missing the more important point. Getting done what needs to be done while taking other people into account is trickier, but the far better approach.
I’d like to think that over the decades I have made some improvement, so I felt to pass this on in case it might help others. I find having a simple principle to refer back to is often quite helpful: “People are more important than things.”
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On a separate note: We are running down our used book inventory a bit. If you have books you feel to donate to East West, they would be greatly appreciated. If you have a particularly large collection (maybe 200+), we will come and pick them up. Anything that is a book we might carry that is not too damaged or underlined would be great. Believe it or not, we have sold about 6,000 used books since we started this program about two and a half years ago. What a great way to share old cherished friends with our East West family!
Blessings,
David G. manager
for the Gang at East West