Humor
Dear friends,
The last two newsletters have been about how to deal with the recent spate of unhappy news. It seemed appropriate to go in the other direction this week. When doing yoga postures if you stretch one way, moving the other way is normally recommended. So let’s try that now...
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A 70-year-old woman gets hit by a car while crossing the street. It is serious, she sees a great white light, and starts towards it. But a voice says, “It is not your time to go. In fact, you will live to 85 years old.”
When she awakes she realizes she is unhappy with looking older so figures,” Heck. If I am going to live that long there’s a few things I want to do about my appearance.” She does the works: tummy tuck, facelift, weight loss, hair extensions, etc. As she is leaving her final cosmetic appointment she gets hit by a car and dies. When she gets to heaven she says to God, “You told me I had 15 years left. What gives?!” God replied, “I am so sorry. I didn't recognize you!”
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A priest was greeting the congregation members as they were leaving after a Service. He spent a moment with each one, thanking them for coming as he shook each one’s hand.
One woman, however, would not let him go as she recited her long litany of her problems. Finally the priest pulled away and said, "Ma’am, you must understand, I am in sales. I am not in management!”
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Did you hear about the insomniac, dyslexic, agnostic? He lay awake all night worried there was no Dog.
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A psychic man who stood only five feet two inches tall found himself in prison for a violent crime. Using his highly developed psychic abilities he was able to engineer an escape in short order. The local newspaper headline the next day read: Small Medium at Large.
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Do you worry that God loves you but is afraid to make a commitment?
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A lawyer was dying in the hospital. Having never been spiritual, his son was shocked to see him carefully reading the Bible. He asked if, with death nearing, he had turned to Spirit. His father said, "Oh not at all. I’m just looking for loopholes.”
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A pair of monks were in the temple. The first one walked up to the altar and said, “I am nothing. I am nothing.” The second did the same.
They were seen by the janitor who, figuring this must be the right thing to do, walked up and said, “I am nothing. I am nothing.” The monks saw him do this, and one turned to the other and said, "Look who thinks he’s nothing!”
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Blessings,
David G., manager
for the Gang at East West