There’s a great quote uttered by John Kenneth Galbraith, famed Harvard economist:
Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
It is of course quite perceptive and somewhat endearing, but the deeper question is… why is it so true? I suspect it is because we want to be something rather than become something. If you are reading this it is quite likely you have a strong desire to be the best person possible. But the way to get from here to there is not to be a fixed thing right now, but to learn and grow. Imagine being in fourth grade and hiding all your errors from your teacher. The teacher might think you know more than you actually do, but what good is that? We ought not to be trying to impress anyone—even ourselves!
My spiritual teacher used to revel in it when someone told him of a perceived flaw in his character. The response was always “thank you” in his heart. If someone shows you that you are wrong about something, isn't that good? How else can we learn and grow? But, because we want to be perfect already, we deny the error and “get to work on the proof.” It’s funny that people are shamed when they discover they have made a mistake, when being joyful at the opportunity to learn something new is just as reasonable—and a much more useful—response.
There is also value in being impersonal with ourselves. Is the comment true? If so… great. We learned something. Is it false? If so, in that case… no matter. The other person has misperceived something about us. We can choose to correct the misimpression, or not, based on what seems best overall and not our desire to be “right."
The desire to be better is of course a good one. But success is best thought of as directional improvement, lest we get stuck in an image of ourselves that is overblown (or underblown, as self-criticism is just as bad… but that’s a subject for another letter. :-) )