Dear friends,
I had a striking and sweet experience I'd like to share that perhaps had a few lessons in it…
I received a call at the front desk from a delivery person. She had a big box to deliver and wanted to know the best way to get to the store. Castro Street is closed to car traffic, so she would do best to drive down the alley in back of the store. I started to say that and she interrupted to make a comment on something only vaguely related to “How do I get this package to you.” I waited for her to finish and continued with directions as to how to get to the back of the store. She interrupted again with a side comment. I waited. When this happened a third time I said, “You know, I am trying to help you. It would be best if you let me finish."
She apologized and allowed me to do so. She apparently was not listening because she called a couple of minutes later from a corner near the store but not where I had directed her to go. I said, “Stay right there and I will come out and meet you.” I found her easily, and started to tell her how to drive to the back of the store. You guessed it—she interrupted. I said, "This is a very bad habit of yours. It would do you well to both slow down and to listen." She said, "My goodness! That’s just what my daughter says!” Hmmm… that suggested I might be on to something, eh?
She drove to the back of the store and I met her there. I started to say something and—lo and behold!—she interrupted. I said, “You really need to do something about this. What are you in such a hurry about? I bet you rushing around like this has a spillover effect into your whole life.” She teared up and said, “Yes. Of course you are right. Thank you. I cannot believe a complete stranger would try to help me like this.” It made my whole day (and probably hers as well).
There are a number lessons in this, I believe:
1) It’s amazing what you can say to people when they feel you are saying it with love and not as a corrective because you are annoyed with them.
2) People want to be better. It is a very rare person who feels they have nothing to learn. It is not your place to teach them unless it can be done with love and respect.
3) My personal rule is never to say anything if I have any doubt. If my mind creeps in and wonders if it is the right thing to do, I say nothing. The mind can not figure such things out. Only the heart can do so.
4) The heart cannot know anything if it is agitated. True intuition comes from a space of calm and being centered. That is part of the reason why if you are annoyed or frustrated even in the slightest, you cannot know whether it is appropriate to say anything and ought to remain silent
5) The heart is agitated when we are thinking of ourselves. If focused on serving and helping someone else, your heart will more likely know what’s right, and the other person will infinitely more likely actually hear you.
6) I say just a little and see what the reaction is. If she had not been open in that first telephone comment I never would have gone further. Be open as you speak and watch the other person’s eyes. Are they withdrawing from you as you speak, or are they receptive and open?
I hope some of this is useful and rings true for you.
Blessings,
David G., manager
For the Gang at East West